


Lay here

by Stars_dreaming



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-10-10 03:42:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17418428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stars_dreaming/pseuds/Stars_dreaming
Summary: After you sided with Steve and Thanos snapped half of the team into oblivion, you tried to keep fighting. And the only thing that kept you going on was the fight. But when would the fighting stop?





	1. Chapter 1

The hardest part of losing someone wasn’t having to say goodbye - you had had plenty of time to say goodbye to most -, but rather learning to live without them. Always trying to fill the void, the emptiness that’s left inside of your heart when they go. 

You were in one of Tony’s many penthouses. All the Avengers were there, and there were friends and family too. Everyone was chattering, smiling and laughing and hugging as if nothing had ever happened. 

Wanda and Vision stayed close together, and you couldn’t help but smile as you saw them. She had been the only one willing to lose everything just to see the one she loved when all of you were on the run. 

Bucky and Natasha were seated on a couch. They weren’t speaking to each other, but their glances were enough. Bucky’s hand was on her knee, and Natasha’s lips were curled into a soft smile.

Steve was talking to Maria Hill and Nick Fury, but despite the smile on his face, his eyes were void of any emotion. He was one of many who still felt the shock of Thanos’ snap two years ago. 

Life went on. You knew that. But it had crumbled under your hands when you saw your teammates disappear into thin air.

And despite that, you kept up fighting. You told Cap to get up, that they needed to leave, and both of you left the place. 

For the time being, you had found comfort in each other. You couldn’t feel guilty about it. Yes, you still loved Tony. You always would. But after Civil War, everything had changed. You had chosen Cap’s side, mainly for your own hero-heritage, and with that, it felt like your relationship had been broken.

And no doubt had Tony found comfort in another woman. 

Your eyes roamed through the room. Everything was different now. The air in the room was filled with tension and sadness. You could feel it pulsing through your veins; you could smell the strong emotions of the people sitting beneath you. 

Only Thor and Loki’s emotions were calm. The two brothers were sitting together, Loki huddled close to Thor, his hands on Thor’s chest, and his eyes gazing up at his brother in faint adoration. You wouldn’t be surprised if there was something else between them - something more than just familial bonds. 

Scott had his daughter on his lap, and he was conversing with his girlfriend. They weren’t smiling. They looked rather serious and grim, and you were grateful for it. At least those were the only ones who didn’t hide how they felt. 

T’Challa and Shuri were sitting by the bar, and Shuri was laughing. She was actually happy, you could feel it. Well, the princess of Wakanda had always been a cheerful one. 

Sam was sitting on a couch, alone. He was looking out the window, gazing at the lights of the city far away, in the valley. Loneliness radiated out of him, and you sighed. 

“What you sighing so deeply for?” You heard, and you turned your head to the side to look at James, who was smiling at you. 

“I’m sighing... because everyone here is a liar.” You said, and your fingers played with the lose strands of your golden locks. “We’re all hiding in our shells. Too scared to care, because we might lose people again.” You snorted humourlessly. “Funny. You’d think they learnt from their mistakes.” 

“And you’re not hushing up anything?” James asked, leaning over the balustrade to gaze at the people on the couches and seats beneath them. You wisely kept your mouth shut. He nodded. “That’s what I thought. Say.. you haven’t seen Tony anywhere, have you?” You shook your head. You hadn’t seen him in a while. 

Since Tony and Peter had both been away from Earth during the snap, nobody knew at first if they had survived. All hope had been lost, until Tony’s message arrived on Earth. 

 

“You’re the only one for me, Y/N. I love you.” 

 

You remembered his loving words. You had sat there, staring at the screen in disbelief. Steve had gotten you up, and the two of you had started researching. 

When Tony arrived, together with Thor and the Asgardians, you hadn’t known what to say. You hadn’t even been there. Steve and Nat had, but you had stayed behind in your own home. 

When you had arrived in the tower later that week, Tony was down in his labs with Bruce, and the two of you still hadn’t talked. 

 

“Y/N?” James asked, and you snapped back into reality, looking into his chocolate brown eyes that were filled with worry.

”I’m fine.” You brushed it off. He narrowed his eyes, but let the matter drop. 

“Well, I’m going to see where Tony and Bruce are. Get down there, Y/N.” He told you, and then he left. 

 

You took a wine glass from the bar and filled it with your favourite white wine, taking a sip as you walked towards Sam. He was still sitting in the same position as before. 

“Hey,” you whispered as you sat down next to him. He looked up at you. “I love the view out here.” You hummed appreciatively at his comment, and your shoulder touched his. Without thinking, you closed your eyes and let a wave of calming energy pass through your arm, up to his. He visibly relaxed. “You can’t keep numbing people’s feelings forever,” he told you, though he did give you a sad smile. “I know,” you responded, “but at least I can make it less worse for now.”

 

It didn’t take you long to get to Steve, who said his goodbyes to the former S.H.I.E.L.D. operatives. He nodded at you. “Do you want a drink?” You asked, and he shook his head. “I’d like to keep my head clear.” You didn’t point out that because of his superfast metabolism he didn’t get drunk easily.

You two sat together on the couch, and you couldn’t help but lean into his soft touch as he wrapped his arm around you. You sighed deeply and your hand squeezed his. “It’s so different now.” Steve said, and he swallowed.

”Yeah, it is.” You agreed, your eyes trailing over the guests. “You don’t have to hide how you feel, you know.” You looked up surprised as the words came out of Steve’s mouth. He smiled sadly. “I’ve gotten to know you over the past years, Y/N. You think I didn’t notice when you were feeling down?” You visibly flushed, thinking back on the nights you had spent together whenever one of you needed it. Steve sighed. “There are no feelings between us. Just.. amiability. I love you as a dear friend. I am glad that we had each other to fall back to. But I know you belong with Tony, and nobody else.” 

“I don’t think Tony wants me to belong with him,” you mumbled as you pulled up your knees to your face. “I haven’t talked to him in years. As you said, everything is so different now.” You looked at him. “People are different. We’ve changed, Steve, and I can’t even begin to fathom the emptiness I feel whenever I look at us.” You sighed again. “Y/N..” Steve said softly, getting up and taking your face in his hands. Your foreheads touched. “It’s okay if it’s different. Maybe that’s just what we all needed. Maybe this is what could bring you two together. Stop worrying about how it’s going to be and start living.” “I don’t want to live like these people!” You snapped, and you were glad nobody heard you. “Don’t you understand? I don’t want to live like nothing has happened, I don’t want to wake up everyday and smile to myself and be happy. Because I can’t.” Your voice broke and you felt a single tear roll down your cheek. “You don’t have to,” Steve brushed your tear away with his thumb. “You don’t have to be okay. You can be not okay. Because you lost people, you lost so much, and it’s hard to have all that back now when you were just getting used to not having them around.” He sighed and bit his lip. “I understand, Y/N. I understand you’re feeling like shit at the moment. I understand that you can’t pretend. You, out of all of us, have the right to do that. But try, alright? Please, just try. For all of us.” He pulled you into a warm hug and you closed your eyes, not noticing the many eyes on the two of you. 

Many knew of the relationship you and Steve shared. Even Tony knew. 

But they also knew how you were. You and Steve were not compatible like that. You were too much alike. 

 

You found Tony at the bar. He wasn’t pouring himself a glass of water. You smiled to yourself.

_”I’ll quit the alcohol for you, Y/N, I promise.”_

“Hello.” You smiled as you slid on the barstool next to him. He was dressed in casual pants and a hoodie - with a sting in your heart you recognized it as your favourite one. He looked at you. “I heard your message.” You slowly said, eyeing his face for a reaction. Apart from the slight widening of his eyes, you didn’t get any. 

“I- I.. uh..” you stopped yourself for a split second. What were you doing? You had to do this in the right way. You took in a deep breath. “I wanted to say I’m sorry.” You looked him in the eye and felt his emotions pulse. He was sad, and surprised, and relieved. 

“I’m sorry about everything,” your voice faltered, “So much has happened these years and... I just don’t know what I did. I was so lost. And then Thanos happened, and the snap, and people died, and I thought I’d lost you, I thought you were gone forever. Your - your message was the thing that kept me alive.” Your fingers sought his, and you were relieved to notice he didn’t pull his hand back. “So I want to give you my answer to your message.” You sighed. “I love you, Anthony Stark. I love you with all my heart and mind and I couldn’t bear to lose you.” You hopped off the barstool and pressed your lips shortly to his. Then, you pulled back and walked away. 

 

Once you were in the hallway, far out of sight of everyone, you put your hand over your mouth to silence your sobs as the hot tears tumbled out of your eyes like waterfalls. 

You leaned against the wall, slumping to the ground. You let your hand fall to your knee, and let out a trembling sigh. How could you love someone you thought you’d lost? 

How could you ever be okay again? Normal, even? 

 

You didn’t know how long you had been sitting there, but it had been a while when the door was opened and a flair of emotions entered the hallway. 

You sighed, not even bothering to wipe away your tears. A shadow was cast over you, and then, all of a sudden, you were lifted into the air by a pair of strong, warm arms. 

“Please don’t cry.” Tony’s soft voice entered your ear. You frowned. “Tony...” He smiled down at you. “Your feelings are similar to mine.” He put you on your legs again, and you leaned against him. His arms wound around your waist. “I missed you.” You whispered as your lips found each other. 

It was wonderful to kiss him again. Really kiss him again. 

You let out a soft moan as his tongue entered your mouth and danced with yours in sync. His hands roamed your body, squeezing your thighs and pulling you flush against him. 

“You were all I could think about,” he admitted after pulling away. “When I was in space, with the Asgardians, you were everything on my mind. I thought I was going to die, and it made me realize how wrong we were, about everything. You mean everything to me, Y/N. I love you.” You smiled. “I really want to kiss you right now,” you whispered, and he lifted you up so you could your legs around his waist. “That can be arranged.” He smirked before your lips attached to his, and the two of you seemed to melt into each other like only shadows could. 


	2. Bonus - airport scene

"Give me a clear view of the airport." You said while pulling on your black gloves. "You got it." Charlie responded, and then, in front of you, a wavering blue screen appeared. You saw that everyone was in position - Clint and Wanda were hidden safely away, Bucky and Falcon were still waiting in the garage, Ant-Man was safely hidden away and Cap was walking into the open. 

After everything, this was how it was supposed to get down. You hated it. Because you knew you couldn't win. Neither of the teams would anyways. 

While you were gearing up, everyone on the airport was already in motion. Spider-Man emerged on the field, and you cursed softly. Why did he let a kid go with him? 

You noticed Clint and Wanda on the ground now, and Tony was hovering in the air -  _Iron Man,_ you corrected yourself. Clint shot an arrow at him, and a few seconds passed before cars poured out of the garage. You flinched when you saw Wanda use her powers to bury your lover under the metal scrap. But you couldn't get down there. You would have to choose if you were there, and you weren't sure if you could. 

Natasha was there too. You bit your lip she fought Ant-Man. Meanwhile, Cap and the Black Panther engaged, and Rhodey jumped in to help the king of Wakanda. You fought the urge to get out of your hiding space.  _I can't!_

Bucky and Sam were out now, running through the halls of the airport. Spider-Man was following them. He jumped into the building. You sighed and placed a hand on your forehead. They were going to get killed. 

It was horrible watching it. You saw Ant-Man and Cap conversing, and then you zoomed in on their hands. Ant-Man gave Cap a small white truck. He himself was holding a small gadget. Your eyes widened when you recognized it. They were going to make it big!  _I can't let that happen,_ you thought to yourself. 

You touched the pod in your ear. "I'm going in C. Keep me updated." "Of course, miss." The AI responded, and then you were jumping off the large building and speeding towards Rhodey, who was still standing there.

Your hands caught him, and you pulled him with you. The truck landed on the ground, creating a fire to break out. You glanced at Natasha, who was on the ground. Then, you turned, to find the Black Panther. He was pulled up by Iron Man, and disappeared. You sighed softly as Rhodey got up from the ground. He looked at you. "You said you didn't want to get involved." His voice sounded strange through the metal. You pursed your lips. "You're Tony's best friend. Couldn't let him lose you too." You got up, wincing when you felt the stinging pain in your leg. "You're hurt." You didn't answer his statement, merely moved, and ran away. 

 

Cap and his friends were running towards the others, who were moving to stand in a firm line. You sighed softly, climbing on one of the trucks that stood there, laying low. 

They were standing in front of each other now. Cap looked your way, and his eyes narrowed. You could almost hear his thoughts, and you bit your lip again. They were going to get killed. All of them. They were going to lose each other.  _They already have,_ a soft voice reminded you.  _They lost each other as soon as those accords came up._

You could make this right. 

So you got up, and carefully made your way to the middle of the two groups, feeling the blood trickle down your leg. When you looked down, you saw it was forming a puddle on the ground. Clearly, you were losing too much blood. 

"Y/N." Iron Man said, and you could hear the hurt in his voice. You shook your head, trying to supress your feelings. 

"Y/N." Cap sounded warning, as if he was trying to heed you for something. "Shut if. Both of you." You snapped, and Cap tensed. 

"Y/N. You need to choose." T'Challa said, and you glared at the man in the black suit. "You are stupid for thinking any of you are going to get away with this." You said angrily, looking at them. "This is tearing you apart." 

"We are already apart. Sometimes things that are broken cannot be fixed." Clint said, and you looked at the archer. "I was broken," you said softly, and you could feel Iron Man's gaze on you, "but you mended me. Bucky is broken," you continued, and the soldier's gaze snapped up at you, "but Cap is trying to mend him. We can do this toge-" "We can't, Y/N." Iron Man interrupted you. 

"This is it. Now, you choose. It's either him, or me." 

You let out a shuddering breath.  _You suck, God,_ you said in your mind.  _How can you make me choose between the man I love, and the right choice?_

_"The right choice comes before anything. It comes before family, before loved ones, before your job. Whatever you do, always make the right choice."_

You remembered your father's words; the words that he had spoken to you on your thirteenth birthday, just before you were kidnapped by Hydra. 

 _"You don't get to choose, little girl. We choose for you."_ You remembered the man's sickening smile, his soft caress on your face, and you remembered the burning of the serum, the words whispered in your ear, you remembered the memory wiping, the white flash in front of your eyes, the pain coursing through your body. You remembered crying, trembling, in your cell, wishing upon any God or being that could hear you that you would be saved. 

Your feet were carrying you somewhere. You didn't know where. But when you saw Tony's face in front of you, you sucked in a breath. He was still hurt, you could see it. You reached up, and softly touched his cheek. He bowed down, and your lips pressed together. You closed your eyes. It still felt the same. That spark hadn't died. It could be saved. But when you pulled back and saw his sorrowful gaze, you knew right now, it couldn't. "I'm sorry." You whispered, and you stepped back, turning around to face Cap. He just nodded as you took your place by his side. 

"What do we do, Cap?" 

"We fight." Steve spoke, and all of you were surging forward. 

The others came into motion, and you made your hands into fists, the energy sparking off it. 

 

Wanda was letting cars flow in the sky, trying to hit the young Spider-Man and Vision. You could see her gaze, her furrowed brows, and her eyes, that shrieked hurt and pain. You sighed as you braced yourself for the hit that the Black Panther was making, but then you were pushed aside by Bucky. You gritted your teeth, getting back on your feet and looking around. 

Before you knew it, a white substance flew past you, and you jumped up, starting to run in another direction. 

You avoided his webs that were flying past you, and then you stopped. You turned around, and ducked to avoid his last one. He landed on the ground. "Who are you?" He asked curiously. You rolled your eyes and surged forward, hitting him in the chin with your fist. The sparks were flying, and he jumped backwards. 

"Wow! That's awesome!" He said, to then add, "And dangerous." You rolled your eyes. "There are a lot of dangerous things around here, kid." You said as he jumped up to fight you. 

You blocked his hand, and turned him around, only for him to kick back, hitting you in the stomach. You ignored the flashing pain, and continued. "I don't want to fight you." You said as he blocked your arm, and you stopped. He was panting, and you were still standing there. Your stamina was good. It had increased significantly. 

"Then don't. And get the hell away from the kid." A voice sounded, and you looked up. Your expression became pained when you noticed Natasha. 

You let him go, and he ran away. Natasha came a little closer. You breathed in and out. "Please don't." You said. "This is pointless and you know it. Come on, Nat." She looked at you, her expression grim. "I just want clearance. I want it to stop." She said, and you knew it was lost. You could never get her on your side. You sighed. "Alright." Then Clint dropped in front of you, and the two launched forward towards each other. You left. 

 

You found Spider-Man fighting with Cap. For a second, it seemed like the boy was overpowering the famous Golden Boy of America, but then Cap pulled at the webs, and made the boy tumble. 

You looked at Cap, as he turned to leave. "Y/N." He said, nodding at you. You furrowed your brows. "I only chose your side because of Bucky. Not because I think you're right." He nodded, again. "I know that." "Just go do something. I'm going to save the poor boy." You said, and he nodded, to run away and leave you behind. 

You ducked under the thing he was holding - what was it anyway? - and put your hands on the bottom. He looked at you, clearly surprised. You chuckled. "Don't get the wrong idea, kid. I'm not helping you out because I'm on your side." "You're on the Captain's side." Spider-Man said, and the two of you lifted the iron thing and threw it behind you. "I'm on Bucky's side," you said, moving away, "because he deserves a second chance. I got one, too." With a last glance, you ran away. 

"Holy shit!" You heard him exclaim, and you turned around. Your eyes grew big. Ant-Man was  _big._ Really big. He was holding Rhodey by his feet. Fear crept into your heart. What was he going to do? 

You didn't have much time to think as he launched Rhodey into the air. You couldn't help him. Spider-Man was right. It was Cap who you were helping, not Iron Man. You ignored the fighting, and ran straight to the huge building that held the jets. 

You knew Bucky and Cap were coming behind you. 

You met Natasha there. She was just standing there. You heard faint rumbling, and then Cap and Bucky were by your side. Bucky shot you a glance, but you refused to look at him. 

Natasha said something you couldn't hear, and then Cap said something, and then she shot something. A grunt was heard, and you turned around swiftly. The Black Panther was there, hunched over. Natasha fired again as he tried to come closer. Cap and Bucky ran towards the jet. You ignored them. There was nothing you could do now.

 

Natasha fired again, as the jet started hovering in the air. The Black Panther crumpled to the ground, and then he jumped up and ran towards the jet, trying to grip one of the wheels that were already being brought inside by the mechanism. You gritted your teeth, pointedly ignoring Natasha's strange look as you jumped over the stones and dust. 

The jet flew out of the building, and went up into the air. Cap would bring Bucky someplace safe, you were sure of it. 

Iron Man and Rhodey shot into the air, and you saw Falcon shoot up behind them. You pursed your lips, but when you saw Vision getting higher into the air, the decision was quickly made. Pulling out your own wings, you shot up into the air, leaving the broken up Avengers behind. 

 

You looked at Falcon, who was beside you. He was looking intently at the two iron suits. You looked behind, and your eyes widened when you saw Vision preparing to shoot. "Wilson! Behind you!" You called, and he dove down, narrowly avoiding the blast, which, in turn, hit Rhodey. "Oh, my god." You whispered as Rhodey shot down in the air.

You had never flown harder before. There were tears falling out of your eyes, but you weren't sure if they were because of the wind or because you feared losing him. 

You were just in time. Iron Man and Falcon didn't make it in time, and you caught Rhodey just before he slammed into the ground. 

You landed gracefully, carefully putting Rhodey down on the ground and stumbling backwards. Falcon caught you just before you could fall. 

Iron Man landed, and his helmet disappeared. You bit back a sob, and leaned on Falcon for support.  _Please let him be okay. Please be alive, Rhodey._ "We need to get away," Falcon whispered, but then a blast hit him in the chest and he tumbled backwards, on the grass. You sobbed now, while the wind played with your hair. 

Getting closer to Rhodey, you noticed the blood on his face. Carefully placing your hands on the sides of his face, you pressed a kiss on his forehead. "If you die, I'm going to kill you." You whispered, and then you looked at Tony. 

He looked awful. Then his eyes turned to you, and you were shocked to see the loving look in them. "I love you," he whispered, and you bowed your head. "I love you." You answered, the tears dripping down your cheeks. Your wristband beeped, and when you saw the small green light blinking, you knew Steve was calling you. You shook your head, and crawled over to Tony. 

"Tony," you said softly, "look at me." He did. You smiled sadly and wiped his tears away. "Rhodey is tough. He's going to be okay." He swallowed. "You saved him." "I did." You said, and you smiled at him, your thumb brushing over his lips. "I couldn't let you lose him too." 

"Did I lose you?" He asked, and your heart broke. "No," you said truthfully, "but you are going to lose me if you let me go." He nodded, and his arms fell to his sides. You frowned. What was he doing? "Go," he said, and his voice broke, "go, and be safe, please." You shook your head and cradled him in your arms. "I won't leave." You looked at Falcon, who was still in the grass.  _Plus, Cap will break us out._

You didn't voice your thoughts, and simply kissed him over and over again, on his face, everywhere but his lips. "I'll be damned to let you go," you whispered, closing your eyes. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Tony. I'm willing to do anything for you." The lie rolled off your lips and you winced.  _You are willing to betray him for your own sake,_ a soft voice whispered.  _I have to,_ you said.  _Bucky needs me._

"He killed my parents," Tony whispered, and you froze. "Bucky killed my parents." Your blood was frozen. Bucky killed Tony's parents? "I- I didn't know." You stuttered, looking down at him. He smiled and opened his eyes to look at you. "I know. I just wanted you to know." You nodded, and understood what he was doing. 

The both of you stayed in each other's arms as several medics carried Rhodey away. You didn't struggle against the agents that took you away forcefully from Tony, and you swallowed the lump in your throat as Tony looked at you in sadness. "I'm sorry." You mouthed, but you weren't sure he caught it, as he got up from the ground. 

"You're finally paying for what you've done." An agent growled, and then another agent walked up to you. She was female, and regarding you with confidence. "This is not someone we've seen before. Are you one of the concealed Avengers?" "She's Mask. Purple one." Tony said in a tired voice. "Former asset of Hydra." You held your gaze glued to the ground, but your cheeks were heating up in anger. All your secrets exposed. 

"She's coming with us, then. Come on." 

One of the agents tugged at your arm, and you sighed deeply before walking with them to a car. 

Before you were pushed on the backseat, you turned to look at Tony. He was looking at you with a sorrowful gaze. You nodded, and let yourself be driven away. 

 

Silence. Overwhelming silence. Nobody wanted to talk. Scott was the only one who seemed to have a little positivity. Well, he had a daughter that was waiting for him, of course. 

You let your head rest against the cold metal wall, the metal around your wrists and neck beeping softly. It was such a soft sound that you still barely noticed it. 

Your cell was next to Sam's. He was walking, pacing in his cell, looking around. Clint was on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Wanda was sitting, looking at the wall. She didn't respond to anything at all. It made you worried. But she was a strong woman. She would get over it. 

Sam stopped pacing. You looked up from your hands. Someone was coming. Quickly, you got up, and walked towards your cell door. 

What you saw, made you smile. 

Steve stepped out of the shadows. He was smiling. 


End file.
